


Right there with you, Jim

by Lleu



Category: The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 22:16:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10976445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lleu/pseuds/Lleu
Summary: Sex usually calms Holden down, too, at least a little, but instead he’s more jittery than usual, even before he gets his coffee. He keeps half-expecting to feel Amos’s hand on his shoulder. Or something.





	Right there with you, Jim

> _“Wasn’t talking about you,” Amos said. “Me. I’m scared shitless of walking into the cargo bay with that thing in there. And I didn’t watch Eros turn into goo at close range. So I get it. Right there with you, Jim.”_
> 
> _It was the first time in Holden’s memory that Amos had called him by his first name._

It doesn’t mean anything, the first time they have sex. That’s what Holden tells himself, anyway. It’s casual, a mutual recognition that they’re both attractive and, just as important if not more so, horny as _fuck_ after so long cooped up on the _Tachi_ -turned- _Rocinante_. He knows they’re all counting down the days till they make it, finally, to Tycho, but there are still too many ahead, and one day in engineering he catches Amos’s eye while Naomi’s in the head and Amos nods his agreement. So later, after dinner, they head, as discreetly as possible on a ship this size, back to Holden’s bunk, strip off their coveralls, and, well, fuck. They take turns, by tacit agreement: it seems fair that way. For a moment, cock buried in Holden’s ass, Amos looks like maybe he’s in heaven, and the faces Amos makes when Holden’s returning the favor...

But that’s it. They lie together in Holden’s too-small bed afterwards, sweaty but happy, and then, after maybe half an hour of idle cuddling (Amos nuzzling the back of Holden’s neck; he is, Holden thinks, something like a cat), Amos stirs and says, “I should get back to my own bunk. There’s not room enough in this one for both of us, anyway.”

Holden finds he wants to tell him to stay, but he knows that’s not the right reaction, so instead he nods. “Yeah.”

So Amos stands up, gathers up his discarded clothes, and leaves. No goodnight kiss. Not even the words “good night”.

The next day, Amos seems more relaxed, at ease. Naomi’s watching both of them; Holden’s pretty sure she knows what happened. Alex seems oblivious, but on a ship this small, it’s fair to assume he knows something’s up.

Sex usually calms Holden down, too, at least a little, but instead he’s more jittery than usual, even before he gets his coffee. He keeps half-expecting to feel Amos’s hand on his shoulder. Or something. He jumps when Naomi asks him a question in the galley just before lunch. He doesn’t cover it well, but she very generously pretends not to notice.

It does get better after that, thankfully. By the time they get to Tycho, he’s over it — whatever _it_ was — or at least that’s what he tells himself when Amos comes back from his night on the proverbial town. He moves on. _Right_.

Time passes, and he only thinks about it sometimes. Eros...happens. Then Venus. Then Ganymede. One thing after another (but still, every so often, in the back of his mind, the feeling of Amos’s mouth around his cock). And then, on their way back from Ganymede (back to what? To a boss who might have betrayed everything he was — and they were — supposed to stand for?), _this_. A monster made of protomolecule sleeping in their cargo bay.

Amos calling him _Jim_.

A magnetized crate almost crushing his leg.

A bomb.

Recovering means seeing more of Amos. Means Amos’s hands on him. In a very different way, of course, but...still...

Amos doesn’t say his name like that again. It’s back to _Cap_. Holden suddenly finds he can’t stand it. Finally, one day while Amos is checking on his knee, he can’t hold it in.

“Look, can we talk?”

Amos looks up at him, amiable, then turns his attention back to Holden’s knee. “Sure, Cap. Don’t know if I’ll have much to say, though.”

Holden frowns for a moment, but he shakes it off (shakes himself; his chest feels tight suddenly). “Amos.”

Amos stops and looks at him in earnest. His face is still on the amiable side of neutral. “Cap?”

“You called me Jim,” Holden says. He knows that’s not enough, and Amos looks confused, so he tries to elaborate. “I mean. I can’t... I...” He gestures vaguely then manages to continue, lowering his voice in the interest of maintaining at least the pretense of discretion. “I can’t stop thinking about that night. About...you.”

Amos smiles, a little toothily. “That good, huh?”

Holden punches his shoulder lightly. “Fuck you. I mean, yes. It was amazing, obviously. But it’s more than that.”

Amos is still for a moment, looking intently at Holden. Then he says: “I know what you mean. Jim.”

It’s a relief to hear it again. Holden closes his eyes and leans his head back. He feels Amos’s hand on his knee again; when he opens his eyes, Amos has gone back to work.

“It’s like an itch somewhere I can’t scratch,” Amos says, not looking up. “You are. I don’t know what I want, but it ain’t this, that’s for sure.”

“This?” Holden asks.

“Nothing,” Amos says, shrugging. “Fuck all.” He finishes whatever he’s doing and looks up at Holden again. “I need something. I want _something_.”

“So do I,” Holden says.

“Good,” Amos says. He stands up, then leans down and kisses Holden hungrily.

When he pulls back, he’s grinning again. “My bunk, after dinner?”

“God, yes,” Holden says. Amos straightens up, and Holden stands up — carefully — so he can kiss him again. This one lasts longer, but finally Amos pulls away again.

“See you then, Jim.” He grins and disappears in the direction of engineering. There’s always more work to be done.

By dinnertime Holden thinks he’s going to die if he has to wait any more. Amos, meanwhile, seems to be pretending everything is normal, chatting amiably with Prax and Naomi about something. Holden thinks he might be having a conversation with Alex, but he’s not processing anything either of them is saying. All his brain is registering is _Amos Amos Amos_.

After dinner there’s some cleanup to be done, then everyone starts drifting off to whatever else they were doing. Alex heads back up to the cockpit, Naomi says something about checking the engine, and Prax beats Amos and Holden back to the crew quarters. They wait a few minutes to make sure he’s settled. Amos takes a last-minute trip to the head, after which Holden decides he should probably follow suit. When he’s finished, Amos is waiting for him.

“You coming, Cap?” He grins at his own joke; Holden rolls his eyes, but he knows the expected response, and he gives it: “That’s the idea, isn’t it?”

He follows Amos back to his bunk. It’s even more spartan than Holden’s own, somehow; he wonders idly what kind of decoration Amos has back at Tycho.

The door closes behind him, and there’s a moment of awkwardness.

“What are we doing?” Holden asks.

“Finding out what kind of something this is going to be,” Amos says.

There are a lot more words this time than last time.

“Fuck, that’s good,” Amos says while Holden’s deepthroating him. “I don’t know where you learned to give head, Jim, but whoever taught you did a damn fine job.”

“I had a friend in boot camp who showed me a few tricks,” Holden says.

Then, later, while Holden’s fucking him: “I’m not going to break. If you’re going to top, do it like you mean it.”

So Holden does.

And when the situation is reversed: “Give me a sec to get used to this,” Holden says as he eases himself onto Amos’s dick. “The last time I did this was...well, the last time we did this.”

“You haven’t gotten laid since before we hit Tycho?” Amos’s voice is full of disbelief. “Jesus, Cap.”

“No,” Holden says, taking a deep breath and trying to relax, “I haven’t gotten _fucked_ since before we hit Tycho. There’s a difference.”

Amos raises his eyebrows.

“Look,” Holden said, “do you want me to talk about my entire sexual history, or do you want us to get to the part where you fuck me?” He feels Amos’s cock throb inside him. “I’ll take that as ‘get to the part where you fuck me’.”

Later: they’re cuddling again, Amos once again the big spoon.

“Was good, Jim,” Amos says sleepily. Holden can feel his breath hot against the skin on the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” is all he he can think to answer. Then, thinking back: “Still itching?”

Amos laughs. “Nope.”

Holden pushes himself a little closer to Amos, whose arms tighten around him. “Yeah,” he says. “This is definitely something.”


End file.
